Have you felt stressed in the past due to the never ending desire to keep up with the neighbours? If so, you are not alone. Attempting to do this is a common source of societal stress that people do not often recognize.

Not only does this type of stressor affect you mentally and physically, it has an enormous effect on you financially. When you are struggling to meet monthly bills and add to that the purchasing of items you do not need, finances cannot help but be affected.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Constantly comparing ourselves to others is nothing but a waste of our time and energy. It is a stressor that is becoming more prevalent as our society continues to judge people by what they look like and what they own.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance says, “Comparisons are insidious, odious, and very often our self-torture of choice.” Comparing ourselves to others places more unrealistic expectations on ourselves and can be a major blow to our self-esteem.

All of this comparing and judging has a major effect on how we live our life. The belief that you need to have what others have can be never-ending. When is enough, enough? For many people there is never enough because they place value on themselves by what they possess.

Credit card debt is higher than ever before and only a small percentage pay their bill in full each month. Financial stress can affect every aspect of our life, and for many, this debt is a result of wanting things we don’t need and can’t afford. It comes from a sense of wanting - all for the wrong reasons.

Our children learn at a very young age that material things are important and name brands are the way to go. They want what other kids have and innocently, as parents wanting what is best for our children, we give it to them. If Tommy has it, my kid should too. I believe it teaches our children that it is important to have what other people have. Is that what we really want them to grow up believing?

Today, many people buy for their children because they feel guilty for not having time to spend with them. Often, we don’t have time to spend with them because both parents are working extremely hard to pay off debt they may have accumulated needlessly. Somehow, what we believe to be our basic needs have changed over time and at the expense of our health, finances and family unit.

Have I been guilty of spending money on things I didn’t need or couldn’t afford? Absolutely. Will I do it again? Probably. However, as I get older, I am more realistic of what I can afford and what truly brings me joy. Material things can and do bring me joy but not if I am buying them all for the wrong reasons. I am becoming more aware of the lessons I am teaching my children and realizing what is really important for me to accumulate in this life time. What do I want to accumulate more of? Friends, freedom, fun, time with family, good health, love, laughter and of course, a little money to go a long with that! Money that can give me a sense of security and freedom instead of being used to fill my house with things that do not enhance the quality of my life.

We can never keep up with the Joneses because the Joneses are trying to keep with the Smith’s and the Smith’s are trying to keep up with the Brown’s and so on and so on. What can we do?

• Start by enjoying the simple things and making more conscious choices when purchasing items.
• Set up an appointment with a financial planner so you can see what your present financial picture looks like as well as setting some goals for the future.
• Make your own wish list (a hot tub is on the top of mine!) and continue to work towards this.
• Don’t let jealousy and envy of what the neighbors possess, rob you of enjoying what you already have in your life.
• Be happy for others’ success and know in your heart that you have all you really need.
• Value people for who they are and not what they have.

If you want to leave this life with a wonderful legacy, make people count, not possessions. Remember, what you focus on expands. Stop focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have, be happy for others and then watch your wish list materialize- without the credit card debt!

Balance, Family