Challenging Our Beliefs as Mothers
Quote:
” A mother who radiates self acceptance and self love actually vaccinates her daughter against low self esteem”. Naomi Wolf
When I work with a mom who is struggling with work life balance, one of the exercises I sometimes have them do is to write down all their beliefs about being a mother. Often much of the guilt we feel as mothers is related to the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
If you have a belief that all mothers should love motherhood then those days when you feel like packing your suitcase(and there could be many!) and buying a one way ticket may end up resulting in extreme feelings of guilt. If you believe that good mothers should stay home to raise their children and you have a desire to have a career, conflicting emotions will certainly appear. What about yelling? Do good mothers yell and scream? Do good mothers take a vacation by themselves? Do good mothers give in to their children’s many requests?
As you see there are many beliefs we may hold without even realizing it. Our beliefs shape our lives but we rarely examine our belief system.
So, get a pen and paper and write down all the beliefs you have about what a good mother is or does. Now look at these and decide if the beliefs are empowering beliefs or limiting beliefs. For example, if you have a belief that a good mother shouldn’t have babysitters raising their kids and you have a sitter almost daily, then this belief is far from empowering you as a mother. This would unconsciously result in conflicting and confusing emotions, guilt and a battered sense of accomplishment as a mom.
Next, for all the beliefs you identify as self sabotaging, turn them around to be empowering and begin to adopt this as your new belief. As in the example above, turning this belief around can result in something like this….A good mother knows that using a babysitter is often a necessary part of motherhood. Now doesn’t that make you feel better and more successful as a mom?
Recently while working with a client, I gave her this exercise and she shared with me that she had found it extremely helpful in moving her forward as a mother and as a woman. We had worked together for several months around beliefs and other issues. At the end of our coaching she had said that the biggest result she had gotten was that she felt happier in her life. She really had changed the perception of her identity as a mother and started being less judgmental of herself. She became more accepting and gave herself permission to be imperfect as a mother. She also enjoyed her kids more.
Holding unrealistic expectations of ourselves can cause great stress and anxiety. When we are able to challenge these expectations or beliefs, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be human. It is through our imperfect moments where real growth can occur.
Being able to accept these imperfections is part of a healthy identity in motherhood. So drop the Super Mom Syndrome, stop judging yourself and other mothers, create expectations that work for you not against you and remember there is no university with a Motherhood Degree. It is all trial and error and we do the best we can at the time.
To accept ourselves as we are is the most powerful thing we can model to our children. So let’s build ourselves up instead of putting ourselves down. Let’s respect the decisions’ of other mothers because they are not us. Let’s allow each mother to have their own unique identity. Let’s make motherhood be about empowering ourselves and each other. Let’s start today. Our kids are counting on it.
Article written by Peggy Porter-The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs
All Rights Reserved. Article may be reprinted in its entirety with resource box included.
Peggy Porter is a coach, author and speaker. Peggy is known as The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs and helps them plan, prioritize and be more productive so they can make more money in their business, spend more quality time with family and bring more energy and less stress to their own lives. In her fr*ee report The 3 Essential Keys to Mom Entrepreneur Success found at www.peggyporter.com , Peggy shows Mom Entrepreneurs what is needed to have a successful family and successful business, at the same time!
