Quote

“Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choice
-Gerard Manley Hopkins

When working with my clients, a challenge they often share is being able to set clear boundaries. Boundaries are like an imaginary fence you build around yourself.  This fence provides protection and resistance against stress, anxiety, burnout, low self-worth and depression.

You need strong boundaries for balance, self-protection and self- respect.  You also need them for building and maintaining healthy relationships with family, friends and co-workers.

Because we are natural caregivers, setting boundaries is often a struggle for us.  When others ask for help, we find it difficult to refuse.  Sometimes when we set boundaries, they may be inconsistent.

Opportunities to practice setting boundaries show up at home, in the office, with friends or family, and within us.
Here are some examples that indicate you may need to set clearer and stronger boundaries:

•    You say yes when you want to say no (disease to please)
•    You struggle with being assertive and communicating your feelings
•    You give in because you do not want to experience any conflict or resistance in your life
•    You find yourself stressed and overwhelmed by life
•    You are exhausted spiritually, emotionally and physically
•    You are always doing for everyone else, leaving no time or energy for you

Having poor boundaries is the number one reason why many women feel stressed, overwhelmed, resentful and joyless.  Without the protection of boundaries other people will continue to run your life.

When you begin to establish and strengthen your boundaries, your life will not change overnight.  Boundaries take time to develop and setting them may make you uncomfortable at first.  Hang in there and don’t give up.  Being consistent and thinking positive will go a long way in developing healthy and strong boundaries.

Stay tuned for my next article and I will share some tips on how you can start strengthening your boundaries, immediately.

Peggy’s Pick
Click this link http://dougkelley.podomatic.com/ and listen to the two-part podcast on Healthy Boundaries.

If you’re struggling with saying No, being a people pleaser, and challenged with setting clear healthy boundaries, then email me at peggy@seekingbalance.ca for a thirty minute complimentary session. Get started today in developing boundaries that strengthen and empower you as a mom, woman and business owner.

Balance, Wellness Balance, boundaries, Wellness

Have you ever had a goal you set and were trying to reach?  Do you set goals for yourself in areas of career, family, finances and maybe health?  Are you working towards organizing the house, paying off debt or saving for that new car?

For most women I know, goal setting is a part of life.  Whether many of you physically focus on setting goals or not, you probably do it without knowing.  Making plans for vacation, getting your retirement portfolio developed, working towards a new healthy weight; all of these are goals in progress.
As a coach, a big part of the support I offer my clients is helping them become clear on their goal, and then developing a plan of action to reach it.

Personally, I have many goals and dreams, some written, some in my heart.  I believe goals are what gives us hope and motivates us into action.

The thing I see with many, however, is that they are so focused on reaching that goal; they miss out on the ride along the way.  As a society there is so much emphasis on the DOING, we forget about the BEING.  We think that when we accomplish a set goal, then we will be happier, more satisfied and oh so successful.  Our belief is that when we get there then we can BE.

What many of us haven’t figured out yet is that life is all about living while in the process of reaching goals.  Life is about living in the gap-from where you are now and where you want to go.  We never only have one goal and then when we reach it think, “Wow, I’ve made it, now I can start living and be satisfied being here for the rest of my life.”

What gets us so stuck at times is that we think we will be happier when we reach this goal or that goal.  We forget that when we reach this or that goal, we come up with a new goal.  So, if our happiness and satisfaction rested on us reaching each goal, we would never be happy because it is our nature to constantly have new desires for our selves!!!

Humans evolve and change.  We seek growth and are constantly expressing hopes, dreams and goals.  Life is all about change and creation.  Our job is to BE in the flow of life while we DO.

So, if you are waiting until you lose that 20 pounds or get that job, or have a more organized house, before you can to BE happy, successful, satisfied, appreciative, I suggest you get into the feeling of Being that NOW!

Find ways to add more joy to your daily life.  Look at the things you love to do and start making them more a part of your life.  Take time to stop and smell the roses.  Appreciate your partner, your co-worker or pet your animals.  Deep breathe and relish in the beauty of nature. Look for the best in situations and take time for you.  Be more present with people and activities as you go about your day.  Seek ways to connect with others and give of yourself when it feels good to do so.

Remember, life is about living in the gap so keep focused on your goals while having a heck of a good time in that gap!!!

Article written by Peggy Porter-The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs

All Rights Reserved. Article may be reprinted in its entirety with resource box included.

Peggy Porter is a coach, author and speaker.  Peggy is known as The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs and helps them plan, prioritize and be more productive so they can make more money in their business, spend more quality time with family and bring more energy and less stress to their own lives.   In her fr*ee report The 3 Essential Keys to Mom Entrepreneur Success found at www.peggyporter.com , Peggy shows Mom Entrepreneurs what is needed to have a successful family and successful business, at the same time!

Balance, Wellness goal setting, goals, life balance, Wellness

In recognition of International Women’s Day, I would like to take this time to acknowledge and celebrate all of you and the many other wonderful women in my life.

This past weekend I was blessed with a visit by some great girlfriends and we spent the weekend laughing, talking, confiding and connecting-all without husbands and children!!!!

There is a subtle but powerful force when you get a group of us girls together! The universe had given me another opportunity to experience this overwhelming energy.

Over the years, one of the many valuable lessons I have learned is the necessity of finding opportunities to connect with other women. As a mother, it has been my life line at times. The friendships I have developed and continue to make are a constant source of support and encouragement for me. My decision to coach other women has been a result of this energy and connection.

If you do not have the opportunity to frequent the company of friends or other women’s groups, I am encouraging you to purposely seek out occasions to do so. Make time for friends no matter how busy you are. There is no stressor in life that won’t seem just a little less challenging after sharing it with a friend. Organize outings with a group of girls. It may mean going for coffee when the kids get on the bus, meeting after work for a drink, or planning that overnight shopping trip.

Seek out organizations to get involved in that are made up of women - book clubs, sports teams, or fitness facilities for women. If you are in business, network with other women business owners. They can be invaluable in their knowledge and support. Attend women events such as trade shows, fashion shows or host one of the many home parties and invite all the girls!!! Create an annual get together so you have something to look forward to yearly. Remember, don’t wait for someone else to do it, take the lead and start calling your girlfriends today. I know they will jump at the chance to take part in the occasion.

Our world and our lives have become so busy we need an outlet to release and recharge. Find a group of women you trust and can have fun with and I guarantee you will feel brighter and more energized by their company. Make it a regular occurrence and watch the quality of your life positively increase!!! So on March 8, commit to calling up or connecting with a friend, colleague or neighbor. Do something fun or just spend some time relaxing and sharing in the company of another powerful woman!!!!

Cheers!!!!

Balance

Have you ever wondered what your purpose is in life?  Do you believe you are here for a reason?  For many people, these questions are far too abstract and difficult, yet others love to ponder the answers.

What I have noticed is that as women age they become more inquisitive, more curious as to why they are here and what they are REALLY here to do.

I am one who loves to continually ask myself this question and am extremely interested in what other people believe.  Some are very clear on what their purpose is and many go through this life never knowing or even asking.

Personally, I believe our main purpose is to experience joy on a daily basis. What gives us joy and how we bring it into our lives however is all very individual.  The difficulty often lies in the fact that as busy women we may not take the time to really ask, “what truly brings me joy?”

If your life purpose or mission is something you want to discover, start asking yourself some powerful questions.  What drives or inspires you?  When do you feel truly happy and connected?  What brings you joy?  Where do you feel you contribute the most?  What do you value?  What energizes you?  When you leave this world, what do you want people to remember you for?  The answers to these questions can often help you develop your life purpose.

Knowing and believing you are put here on this earth for a particular reason can bring much joy, happiness and contentment into your life.  We tend to struggle less and enjoy life more.  Often you hear people say, “I feel stuck,” or “I don’t know what I am supposed to do with my life.”  In my coaching sessions with women, these are common statements.  Discovering your purpose gives focus to your life, therefore more meaning and clarity.

The first step to determining your life purpose is to become clearer on your priorities and to begin practicing better self-care.  Chaos creates confusion so look at ways to bring more balance and peace to your life.  Start a habit of always asking yourself questions.

Self questioning is one of the best ways to learn more about who we are and why we are here.  Reflect on and journal the answers to the questions I asked earlier.  Be inquisitive about life in general.  There is so much to be discovered.  Be patient and enjoy the process.

Determining your purpose can be an ongoing journey, but once you discover it, you will attract everything you need in this life.  When you know why you are here, the journey becomes a whole lot more fun.  So hang on and enJOY the ride!!!

Balance, Family, Wellness life purpose, self care

Quote:

” A mother who radiates self acceptance and self love actually vaccinates her daughter against low self esteem”. Naomi Wolf

When I work with a mom who is struggling with work life balance, one of the exercises I sometimes have them do is to write down all their beliefs about being a mother.  Often much of the guilt we feel as mothers is related to the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.

If you have a belief that all mothers should love motherhood then those days when you feel like packing your suitcase(and there could be many!) and buying a one way ticket may end up resulting in extreme feelings of guilt.  If you believe that good mothers should stay home to raise their children and you have a desire to have a career, conflicting emotions will certainly appear.  What about yelling?  Do good mothers yell and scream?  Do good mothers take a vacation by themselves?  Do good mothers give in to their children’s many requests?

As you see there are many beliefs we may hold without even realizing it.  Our beliefs shape our lives but we rarely examine our belief system.

So, get a pen and paper and write down all the beliefs you have about what a good mother is or does.  Now look at these and decide if the beliefs are empowering beliefs or limiting beliefs.  For example, if you have a belief that a good mother shouldn’t have babysitters raising their kids and you have a sitter almost daily, then this belief is far from empowering you as a mother.  This would unconsciously result in conflicting and confusing emotions, guilt and a battered sense of accomplishment as a mom.

Next, for all the beliefs you identify as self sabotaging, turn them around to be empowering and begin to adopt this as your new belief.  As in the example above, turning this belief around can result in something like this….A good mother knows that using a babysitter is often a necessary part of motherhood.  Now doesn’t that make you feel better and more successful as a mom?

Recently while working with a client, I gave her this exercise and she shared with me that she had found it extremely helpful in moving her forward as a mother and as a woman.  We had worked together for several months around beliefs and other issues. At the end of our coaching she had said that the biggest result she had gotten was that she felt happier in her life.  She really had changed the perception of her identity as a mother and started being less judgmental of herself.  She became more accepting and gave herself permission to be imperfect as a mother. She also enjoyed her kids more.

Holding unrealistic expectations of ourselves can cause great stress and anxiety.  When we are able to challenge these expectations or beliefs, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be human.  It is through our imperfect moments where real growth can occur.

Being able to accept these imperfections is part of a healthy identity in motherhood.  So drop the Super Mom Syndrome, stop judging yourself and other mothers, create expectations that work for you not against you and remember there is no university with a Motherhood Degree.  It is all trial and error and we do the best we can at the time.

To accept ourselves as we are is the most powerful thing we can model to our children.    So let’s build ourselves up instead of putting ourselves down.  Let’s respect the decisions’ of other mothers because they are not us.  Let’s allow each mother to have their own unique identity.  Let’s make motherhood be about empowering ourselves and each other. Let’s start today.  Our kids are counting on it.

Article written by Peggy Porter-The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs

All Rights Reserved. Article may be reprinted in its entirety with resource box included.

Peggy Porter is a coach, author and speaker.  Peggy is known as The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs and helps them plan, prioritize and be more productive so they can make more money in their business, spend more quality time with family and bring more energy and less stress to their own lives.   In her fr*ee report The 3 Essential Keys to Mom Entrepreneur Success found at www.peggyporter.com , Peggy shows Mom Entrepreneurs what is needed to have a successful family and successful business, at the same time!

Balance, Family, Wellness Balance, motherhood, Wellness