Have you felt stressed in the past due to the never ending desire to keep up with the neighbours? If so, you are not alone. Attempting to do this is a common source of societal stress that people do not often recognize.

Not only does this type of stressor affect you mentally and physically, it has an enormous effect on you financially. When you are struggling to meet monthly bills and add to that the purchasing of items you do not need, finances cannot help but be affected.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Constantly comparing ourselves to others is nothing but a waste of our time and energy. It is a stressor that is becoming more prevalent as our society continues to judge people by what they look like and what they own.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, author of Simple Abundance says, “Comparisons are insidious, odious, and very often our self-torture of choice.” Comparing ourselves to others places more unrealistic expectations on ourselves and can be a major blow to our self-esteem.

All of this comparing and judging has a major effect on how we live our life. The belief that you need to have what others have can be never-ending. When is enough, enough? For many people there is never enough because they place value on themselves by what they possess.

Credit card debt is higher than ever before and only a small percentage pay their bill in full each month. Financial stress can affect every aspect of our life, and for many, this debt is a result of wanting things we don’t need and can’t afford. It comes from a sense of wanting - all for the wrong reasons.

Our children learn at a very young age that material things are important and name brands are the way to go. They want what other kids have and innocently, as parents wanting what is best for our children, we give it to them. If Tommy has it, my kid should too. I believe it teaches our children that it is important to have what other people have. Is that what we really want them to grow up believing?

Today, many people buy for their children because they feel guilty for not having time to spend with them. Often, we don’t have time to spend with them because both parents are working extremely hard to pay off debt they may have accumulated needlessly. Somehow, what we believe to be our basic needs have changed over time and at the expense of our health, finances and family unit.

Have I been guilty of spending money on things I didn’t need or couldn’t afford? Absolutely. Will I do it again? Probably. However, as I get older, I am more realistic of what I can afford and what truly brings me joy. Material things can and do bring me joy but not if I am buying them all for the wrong reasons. I am becoming more aware of the lessons I am teaching my children and realizing what is really important for me to accumulate in this life time. What do I want to accumulate more of? Friends, freedom, fun, time with family, good health, love, laughter and of course, a little money to go a long with that! Money that can give me a sense of security and freedom instead of being used to fill my house with things that do not enhance the quality of my life.

We can never keep up with the Joneses because the Joneses are trying to keep with the Smith’s and the Smith’s are trying to keep up with the Brown’s and so on and so on. What can we do?

• Start by enjoying the simple things and making more conscious choices when purchasing items.
• Set up an appointment with a financial planner so you can see what your present financial picture looks like as well as setting some goals for the future.
• Make your own wish list (a hot tub is on the top of mine!) and continue to work towards this.
• Don’t let jealousy and envy of what the neighbors possess, rob you of enjoying what you already have in your life.
• Be happy for others’ success and know in your heart that you have all you really need.
• Value people for who they are and not what they have.

If you want to leave this life with a wonderful legacy, make people count, not possessions. Remember, what you focus on expands. Stop focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for what you do have, be happy for others and then watch your wish list materialize- without the credit card debt!

Balance, Family

This month, as we celebrate Father’s Day, take an opportunity to express gratitude for the many wonderful fathers we see giving their love, support and guidance to our children on a daily basis.

Personally, in my own life, I am surrounded by them. From my own father, to my father-in-law, my husband and the many friends I am blessed to have. I see them at the supermarket, holding their child while attempting to shop; on the street riding their bikes, with their children cautiously proceeding ahead; at the gymnasium, proudly watching their daughter attempt her first cartwheel and at church gently kissing their son on the cheek.

Although mothers have typically been the nurturer in our society, fathers have a huge impact on the raising and development of our children. . A son will learn first hand from his father the balance between toughness and tenderness. Daughters look to their fathers for guidance and example on how to be treated by the men they will have in their lives. Fathers are there to give support and protect their most prized possession…family.

In the book, The Wonder Of Fathers, author C.R. Gibson writes…He goes by many names. He serves many roles. He’s a shoulder to cry on, to lean on, and to climb on. He can be quiet, boisterous, athletic, or scholarly. He is his son’s first role model and the first man his daughter will love. And no matter what else he does in his life, fatherhood will be his most important and fulfilling achievement.

For those of us who have been blessed to grow up with fathers in our lives, we are aware of the many roles they do play in our lifetime. They are a teacher from whom you learn many of your most important lessons. A coach who is always cheering for you no matter how good you are. Strong arms to pick you up when you fall or hug you for no reason at all. Fathers let you do things that mothers are to afraid to let you try. They are the voice of reason when you are attempting to solve one of life’s many problems. They are the voice of support and love when your heart has been just broken and the protector who vows no one will ever break your heart again.

This weekend take the opportunity to tell the fathers in your life just how important they are and how you appreciate them. Say a prayer for those families who do not have their fathers with them for whatever reason. Make Father’s Day a time to remember what is really important in this lifetime and when you nurture each other, everyone benefits.

To my father, father-in-law, and my husband (who is one of the finest examples of a father I know), HAPPY FATHER’S DAY. All of you play such an important role in my life and I wouldn’t be the same person without each of you in it.

Family

Have you ever wondered what your purpose is in life?  Do you believe you are here for a reason?  For many people, these questions are far too abstract and difficult, yet others love to ponder the answers.

What I have noticed is that as women age they become more inquisitive, more curious as to why they are here and what they are REALLY here to do.

I am one who loves to continually ask myself this question and am extremely interested in what other people believe.  Some are very clear on what their purpose is and many go through this life never knowing or even asking.

Personally, I believe our main purpose is to experience joy on a daily basis. What gives us joy and how we bring it into our lives however is all very individual.  The difficulty often lies in the fact that as busy women we may not take the time to really ask, “what truly brings me joy?”

If your life purpose or mission is something you want to discover, start asking yourself some powerful questions.  What drives or inspires you?  When do you feel truly happy and connected?  What brings you joy?  Where do you feel you contribute the most?  What do you value?  What energizes you?  When you leave this world, what do you want people to remember you for?  The answers to these questions can often help you develop your life purpose.

Knowing and believing you are put here on this earth for a particular reason can bring much joy, happiness and contentment into your life.  We tend to struggle less and enjoy life more.  Often you hear people say, “I feel stuck,” or “I don’t know what I am supposed to do with my life.”  In my coaching sessions with women, these are common statements.  Discovering your purpose gives focus to your life, therefore more meaning and clarity.

The first step to determining your life purpose is to become clearer on your priorities and to begin practicing better self-care.  Chaos creates confusion so look at ways to bring more balance and peace to your life.  Start a habit of always asking yourself questions.

Self questioning is one of the best ways to learn more about who we are and why we are here.  Reflect on and journal the answers to the questions I asked earlier.  Be inquisitive about life in general.  There is so much to be discovered.  Be patient and enjoy the process.

Determining your purpose can be an ongoing journey, but once you discover it, you will attract everything you need in this life.  When you know why you are here, the journey becomes a whole lot more fun.  So hang on and enJOY the ride!!!

Balance, Family, Wellness life purpose, self care

Quote:

” A mother who radiates self acceptance and self love actually vaccinates her daughter against low self esteem”. Naomi Wolf

When I work with a mom who is struggling with work life balance, one of the exercises I sometimes have them do is to write down all their beliefs about being a mother.  Often much of the guilt we feel as mothers is related to the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.

If you have a belief that all mothers should love motherhood then those days when you feel like packing your suitcase(and there could be many!) and buying a one way ticket may end up resulting in extreme feelings of guilt.  If you believe that good mothers should stay home to raise their children and you have a desire to have a career, conflicting emotions will certainly appear.  What about yelling?  Do good mothers yell and scream?  Do good mothers take a vacation by themselves?  Do good mothers give in to their children’s many requests?

As you see there are many beliefs we may hold without even realizing it.  Our beliefs shape our lives but we rarely examine our belief system.

So, get a pen and paper and write down all the beliefs you have about what a good mother is or does.  Now look at these and decide if the beliefs are empowering beliefs or limiting beliefs.  For example, if you have a belief that a good mother shouldn’t have babysitters raising their kids and you have a sitter almost daily, then this belief is far from empowering you as a mother.  This would unconsciously result in conflicting and confusing emotions, guilt and a battered sense of accomplishment as a mom.

Next, for all the beliefs you identify as self sabotaging, turn them around to be empowering and begin to adopt this as your new belief.  As in the example above, turning this belief around can result in something like this….A good mother knows that using a babysitter is often a necessary part of motherhood.  Now doesn’t that make you feel better and more successful as a mom?

Recently while working with a client, I gave her this exercise and she shared with me that she had found it extremely helpful in moving her forward as a mother and as a woman.  We had worked together for several months around beliefs and other issues. At the end of our coaching she had said that the biggest result she had gotten was that she felt happier in her life.  She really had changed the perception of her identity as a mother and started being less judgmental of herself.  She became more accepting and gave herself permission to be imperfect as a mother. She also enjoyed her kids more.

Holding unrealistic expectations of ourselves can cause great stress and anxiety.  When we are able to challenge these expectations or beliefs, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect, to be human.  It is through our imperfect moments where real growth can occur.

Being able to accept these imperfections is part of a healthy identity in motherhood.  So drop the Super Mom Syndrome, stop judging yourself and other mothers, create expectations that work for you not against you and remember there is no university with a Motherhood Degree.  It is all trial and error and we do the best we can at the time.

To accept ourselves as we are is the most powerful thing we can model to our children.    So let’s build ourselves up instead of putting ourselves down.  Let’s respect the decisions’ of other mothers because they are not us.  Let’s allow each mother to have their own unique identity.  Let’s make motherhood be about empowering ourselves and each other. Let’s start today.  Our kids are counting on it.

Article written by Peggy Porter-The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs

All Rights Reserved. Article may be reprinted in its entirety with resource box included.

Peggy Porter is a coach, author and speaker.  Peggy is known as The Success Coach for Mom Entrepreneurs and helps them plan, prioritize and be more productive so they can make more money in their business, spend more quality time with family and bring more energy and less stress to their own lives.   In her fr*ee report The 3 Essential Keys to Mom Entrepreneur Success found at www.peggyporter.com , Peggy shows Mom Entrepreneurs what is needed to have a successful family and successful business, at the same time!

Balance, Family, Wellness Balance, motherhood, Wellness